Ginger Nibbles

Why the world needs you to speak from the heart

2011-05-23T09:17:00.001-07:00

Take a peek around you in the media - what do you see? Another celebrity scandal? Another politician who’s got in trouble for saying something? Another frenzy about the new iSomething-that-we-don’t-really-need?

To me, all this seems rather unreal, distant and uninspiring. Like it misses the point somewhere.

What gets me tickled is connection. Like last week, when I heard the founder of the Coaches Training Institute Karen Kimsey-House speak in London. She had a complete absence of spin. No hype. No hoopla. No glossy buzzwords. Yet she was one of the most inspiring speaker’s I’ve come across. Why? Because she spoke from the heart.

It felt fresh, it felt deep and I found myself listening to and receiving her words on a whole different level.

What the world needs now, more than ever, is inspiration. And the most powerful way I’ve found of inspiring others is to stand up and speak from the heart. It’s known in some circles as public speaking. And it’s more powerful than any video, email or tweet could ever be.

What the world needs now is you – the people who think and care – to step out of your comfort zone and become a voice for positive change. It doesn’t matter if you’re scared, Laura Whitworth admits to still being terrified of public speaking. What matters is that you get your message out there.

See, what I’m finding as I think more about public speaking (which I ought to be doing having just finished writing a book about it), is that truly brilliant public speaking boils down to authenticity.

Of course a good speaker needs to get the basics right. They should be at choice with how their body, voice and mind behave whilst they’re speaking; they should have a solid sense of empathy with their audience’s needs; their content should be fresh, engaging and well-structured. But all of this can leave you cold without those authentic moments when a speaker talks from the heart.

If all this talk of inspiring public speaking sounds daunting, let me assure you that there’s a proven pathway to get you there. With help, support and a fair dose of your own bravery, you will get there. The first three steps along that pathway go a little like this:

1) Solidify your message. Find out what you really care about. What is the tank you’re willing to stand in front of? Learn for yourself what’s really important to you, by seeing what grabs your attention in the news, or in life at large. This is your message.

2) Link your message to what you do. What you do as a job or hobby is your practical reason for standing up and speaking in public. If your message totally conflicts with both, I’d urge you to find new ways of spending your time. Usually there’s a good link. And this is your reason for speaking in public.

3) Speak up! Know that nobody will hear your message of change unless you start to tell it. If you don’t say it, nobody else will – not in that special way that’s authentic to you. If you understand the significance of your message, you’ll be ready to talk, even if it makes your knees wobble. So it’s time to get moving.

You may need some help on the way to shape the message, or to build your speaking technique, but make a start. If you’ve nowhere else to go, head to a local Toastmasters club where new (and experienced) public speakers are always welcome.

And, of course, this is just the start of the journey. I support speakers and aspiring speakers along the way.

My programmes include:

Foundations of Excellent Public Speaking

Memorable Messages through Public Speaking

Public Speaking for Workshop Leaders

For more information, please visit: http://www.go-ginger.com/workshops.html

Sarah Lloyd-Hughes is founder of Ginger Training & Coaching – www.go-ginger.com and author of “How to be Brilliant at Public Speaking” (Pearson, Sept 2011).

4 secrets to turn your day from mundane to magical

2011-05-09T03:52:00.001-07:00

Isn't it great to wake up feeling excited about your day ahead? To know that whatever you're doing that day, it matters, it's meaningful. What if you could feel like this every day?

Well, guess what? You can - no matter what you do right now.

I'll share with you some ideas of how, but first, let's back up a little. For me, there's no more inspiring profession than what I do. My work as a coach helps people to live their dreams (what a privilege) and I've just completed a life-long ambition to become a published author (well, I've done the work... now I have to wait for the book to come out in October). Yet, even though I'm doing what I always wanted to do, this Monday morning I didn't leap to my desk with enthusiasm. I slumped there, bleary eyed and wanting to go back to bed.

"If you can't muster enthusiasm for the day," I asked myself, "how can you expect to inspire your clients?"

This could have been one of those days we all have, where things feel like walking through glue. But instead of wallowing in my Monday blues, I got on the phone to a wonderful coach friend of mine, Nikki Armytage - The Life Stylist. She helped me remember that your day goes whichever way you choose it to go. Any day can be mundane or magical.

Something that was magical for me as a six year old girl was the carousel at fairgrounds. I would pick my favourite horse and enjoy the speed and motion and independent feeling the experience gave me. Yet, ten years later at 16, the carousel was the last ride I wanted to try. It was too slow, too usual, too childish. "Boring!" I yawned and went to sit on a bench and grumpily do nothing.

Like the fairground, we can 'grow out of' the magic of enjoying our lives. Something new in our lives goes from being exciting, to being mundane with shocking speed. What was once a thrilling new job becomes an obligation; what was once a shiny new relationship gets dulled and routinised. So how do we keep that magic feeling of stepping into the fairground as a six year old? How can you live in your own permanent fairground?

Here are four secrets that work for me:

1) Look at through the eyes of a six year old. Imagine you were six again, looking at your life, with all that awe and wonder for the world. Everything, from driving a car, to going shopping at Tesco, to choosing your own dinner would be magical. That's how your life really is when you look at it - a series of magical moments that hold much more potential than we ever notice.

2) Go for playtime. As John Williams writes about in his book Screw Work Let's Play, it is possible for us to play and work at the same time. I'm pretty sure no six year old would sit at a desk and work for hours on end, so see what happens if you don't either. Play! Sit on the floor, ditch your laptop, play a game, draw a picture... do something that brings the magic back into your life. And then when you restart your activity, you'll feel fresher and you'll do it better.

3) Notice your 'candy-floss'. Candy-floss is all the stuff we have to feel good about in life. If you were standing in a fairground right now, your arms would probably be full of candy-floss, if you only chose to notice. Count all the things you have to feel grateful for. How many of the things you have ever wished for have come true? When good things happen, it's easy for us to forget about them, but if you focus on feeling grateful the magic will stay in your life.

4) Never go to the fairground alone. It's not much fun sitting on a rollercoaster on your own. To keep your day from becoming mundane, look to people around you to play with. Be lighthearted with each other. Do something unusual together. Connect. Give them your energy. The more you invest into the people around you, the more magic they will give you back.

What else do you do to live a magical life? Please share your ideas below :O)

Video Blog: How to be more confident

2011-04-01T02:48:00.000-07:00

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Staying Motivated Part Three: Vanquishing Vampires & Ducking Demons

2011-04-01T01:52:00.000-07:00

You're trying to make something important happen in your life. It could be big, or small, but getting motivated towards it is a challenge. There are three ways to get motivated and stay that way that I've been investigating in this blog. First, we looked at how to create a magnetic future that draws you to your goals and then we investigated what to do to get yourself moving. One more piece of the staying motivated jigsaw puzzle is left: the Vampires and Demons.

Don't worry, you haven't stumbled into another teenage vampire movie. Your inner demons (otherwise known as mood vampires, saboteurs or gremlins) are the voices inside your head that hold you back from achieving what you're really capable of. It's part of the inner dialogue that shapes your ability to stay motivated from moment to moment.

These are the sneaky voices that shoot us down when we're on the verge of success, that tell us we're not good enough and that encourage us not to bother because "What's the point?"

Imagine you've just started up a new business baking cakes. Your inner dialogue might go something like this:

9:05am: Wow, I'm so excited, this is a great new project. I love making cakes and I can't believe I'm running my own business, this is fantastic.
9:15am: This is going so well, I have a new client, I'm loving every minute! I want to do this forever!
9:34am: Oh, wait, I'm not sure this cake's as good as the one I made in training.
9:35am: No, no, no, it's no good, they won't like this at all.
9:36am: For goodness sake, you're useless, can't you even do a simple cake?
9:39am: Oh brilliant, and now you've made it even worse. What were you thinking? You're stupid.
9:40am: You're screwing this up, just like everything else.
9:44am: How can you expect to make this into a business if you can't do one simple thing?
9:45am: You're a useless salesperson, you can't network with people and now you can't even bake a cake. Brilliant.
9:46am: What was I thinking? I wonder if they'll take me back at work.
10:00am: I told you you couldn't do it

Your inner demon is the part of your inner world where doubt, fear, criticism and vulnerability live. The inner demon demands that you stop, go back, or hide in your comfort zone, rather than risking success.

You can notice the inner demon is working overtime when:
- Your energy towards a project slumps - "Oh, wait, I'm not sure this cake's as good as the one I made in training."
- You ignore all the positives and focus on the negatives- "No, no, no, it's no good, they won't like this at all."
- You treat yourself and the situation too seriously - "For goodness sake, you're useless, can't you even do a simple cake?"
- You relate the current situation to all the other times you've gone wrong - "You're screwing this up, just like everything else."
- You make up rules about your behaviour based on this instance - "How can you expect to make this into a business if you can't do one simple thing?"
- And finally, you end up stopping, or restricting your activity - "I told you you couldn't do it"

The same pattern can hold true for any number of situations. But once you've noticed those demons and vampires, how do you battle them so that you can get on with what you were trying to do?

1) Check the logic of the inner demon

Inner demons only hold power when we know them to be true. Byron Katie has developed a highly effective method of questioning your thoughts, which applies to public speaking saboteurs. Take the saboteur’s thought – for example, “I'm a failure” – and ask yourself “Can I be 100% sure this is true?” The answer can be either yes, or no. Unless you can prove to yourself 100% that you are not an interesting speaker (or whatever message it is that your saboteur is giving you), you will have to say “No.” In this way, you begin to discredit your saboteur because it is no longer true in all situations.

2) Find replacement thoughts

Now that this saboteur’s thought has been discredited, you’ll want to find a more accurate thought to put in its place. Try substituting “I'm a failure” with thoughts that are:

Positive: what we tell ourselves becomes true, so we may as well tell ourselves positive things. Try substituting “I'm a failure” with “I have great ideas” or “I made a wonderful cake last week for Rachel”. Find a thought that’s positive and feels authentic.

Specific for negatives and general for positives: It can be useful to admit a mistake you made to learn from it in future. But don’t generalise this negative thought to yourself as a person. Keep any negative thoughts on the present time and situation, so you can see they aren’t universal truths. Substitute, “I’m a failure” for “This time, I left the cake in the oven for a little too long”. When you use replacement thoughts that are positive, then you can use general statements about who you are as a person or speaker: “I am a good business person,” or “I am enthusiastic about making cakes”.

In your control: Base your thoughts around things that you are able to influence, rather than things that are out of your control. Your attitude towards your work is in control. The reaction of others, unforeseen circumstances and mistakes are out of your control. Try replacement thoughts such as “I will be happy with whatever I manage,” or “I will like myself whatever happens”.

3) Say ‘thanks and goodbye’ to the inner demon

Now that you have a replacement thought, you no longer need your inner demon’s advice. Yet, the inner demon will often pop up when you least expect it to offer an unhelpful message. To kick him out once and for all, keep saying 'thanks and goodbye' every time he shows up. It will take patience and time.

Video Blog: Get more balance in life

2011-01-21T01:44:00.000-08:00

Desperate to find more balance in a world of competing priorities? See this bitesized video to see how it's possible:

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Video Blog: How to deal with difficult people

2010-11-29T01:09:00.000-08:00

Struggling with someone at work or in your home life? Here are some tips that will help you change the way you relate to people.

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Video Blog: How to Enjoy your Job

2010-11-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

One of my favourite sayings is "do a job you love and you never work a day in your life." Here's how to love your job, so that you never have to work again!

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Staying Motivated Part Two: Getting off those Sticky Floorboards

2010-11-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

In a previous article we investigated the power of building a magnetic future in getting yourself motivated. If you know which mountain you want to climb, and can really see, taste and feel what it's like to get to the top, then you'll plough through difficulties to get there.

But what if you just can't get started? If you know where you want to go, but your magnetic future isn't pulling you anywhere. If that's so, it looks like you have a tricky case of Sticky Floorboards - you're glued to the spot, expecting to get started any second, but never quite managing it. Sir, Madam, it looks like you need to call in the experts.

Sticky floorboards are perfectly normal and can show up in any situation from 'meaning to tell that colleague how rude they're being,' to 'meaning to quit my terrible job and do something I actually like.' But, without moving, you're going to stay in exactly the same place. Let me share with you three remedies for Sticky Floorboard syndrome.
1) Put aside expectations of how you should behave.
One of the top reasons for staying stuck to your floorboards is old ideas of how you're supposed to act, think and speak. We shape so much of our lives around what other people tell is is sensible and how we think other people would like us to act. This can paralyse you from seeing different ways of doing things. These are old ideas that may have served you until now, but if you want to move towards the summit of your mountain, you will need new ways of doing things.

Ask yourself: in which parts of my life does the fear of how I should behave keep me stuck? Look for hidden beliefs you hold, like "I want people to like me" or "A secure job and a pension is more important than my immediate happiness." And when you've identified your beliefs of how you should behave, get beyond your sticky floorboards by asking yourself this critical question....

"What would I do if I didn't have to be normal?"

The answer to this question is the key to you taking ownership of your own next steps, rather than relying on the advice or opinions of others. This is about giving yourself permission to act differently.

2) Make it Delightful!
If permission to act differently isn't your problem, it could be that you're stuck because you lack the energy to get going. If climbing your mountain makes you feel a bit flat, remedy 2 is the one for you. To scale any mountain you need to feel fully pumped with energy and committed to charging forwards. This is much, much easier if the next thing you're going to do sounds delightful to you.

SARK's Wheel of Delight is a specially - built tool to help people get moving when they want to make something happen in their life. I recommend you read this article to get to grips with this simple and delightful technique: Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight.

3) Drop Mr & Mrs Logical
If we think too much, we can 'logic' ourselves into the fear of taking a next step. Let's take a look at Imaginary Dave who's are afraid of public speaking. The more Imaginary Dave thinks about doing a talk in public, the more he sees what can go wrong. He'll forget his words, he won't be able to answer a question, he'll boring people, he'll trip up on a power cable.... the list of potential pitfalls is endless. Soon, he's investigated so many negative scenarios that failure becomes the only possible option.

What's more, Imaginary Dave thinks he's being logical throughout this process, so he convinces himself it's not possible for him to speak in public. Fact. Whereas, if he just got up and did it, he'd see that he can do it.

Dropping Mr & Mrs Logical is about stopping the thoughts that stick us to the floorboards and just get moving. Simple as that - one foot in front of the other. Because, as we all know, if you never do anything, nothing ever gets done. So... Give yourself permission to do something different, make it delightful and just do it!

Good luck!

Further Reading
See Part 1: Building a Magnetic Future
Part 3. Vanquishing Vampires and Ducking Demons
Video Blog: How to be more motivated

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Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight

2010-11-15T01:41:00.000-08:00

We all have those things we never get to in life - whether it's clearing out the cupboard, going to the opticians, or actually changing jobs, like you've been meaning to for 7 years. So long as you're not doing those things, there's something that feels sticky and unfinished in your life.

If you're anything 80% of the population, you're the perfect combination of a Procrastinator and a Perfectionist - which means that if you're trying to get something done the Perfectionist tells you "yes, but that's not quite good enough" and your Procrastinator tells you, "Oh well then, maybe I'll do it better later on..."

Author, muse and inspirational speaker - SARK has developed this fantastically fun tool - The "Micro-movement Wheel of Delight" to help all of us Procrastinator-Perfectionists get things done.

What's it good for?
The biggest reason why we don't get stuff done is that we don't really like the sound of doing it. As SARK puts it, it's not delightful enough. The Micro-movement Wheel of Delight is a wonderful tool for bringing enthusiasm into otherwise difficult or dull tasks.

The other reason why we don't get stuff done is because we we don't start. The Micro-movement Wheel of Delight is a perfect tool to solve this, by starting with the basic assumption that we can do anything for 5 minutes. Anything beyond that, who knows? But 5 minutes should be fine, right?

How to do it
So, let's get started. Don't worry, this will only take 5 minutes, so you can start right now.
1) Draw yourself a doughnut like circle in the middle of a page - with eight segments.

2) In the centre of the doughnut, write the thing that you would like to have happen in your life.
Rule number 1: It must be delightful.
If the thing you'd like to have happen is "Tidy my house" - it's clearly not going to happen, because you've developed a reaction to the word 'tidy' that means you see it as something negative. "Tidy my house" focuses on what you want to avoid (the stick), not on what you want to have (the carrot). Instead, why not change your house into "a beautiful palace of calm" or "a gorgeous love pad?" The sillier and the more delightful the better! How much more likely are you to succeed if you're heading towards something that makes you feel delight?
For me, "Tidy my desk" turned into "Create an Office Goodies Temple"
3) In each of the 8 segments, write a micro-movement - a small task that you can do in 5 minutes to help you towards your delightful aim.
Remember rule number 1 - It must be delightful. This is not just a to-do list exercise. Every single segment should delight you. For example, I decided one of my micro-movements needed to be to buy a new stapler. Instead of "Buy new stapler" (snore), my micro-movement became "New luxury stapler shopping adventure." (mmm... James Bond!)

4) Remember rule number 1 - It must be delightful. So, make your Wheel of Delight into whatever is delightful for you. I used colours and doodles to give mine a delightful feeling for me. If it delights you to only fill out one of the segments at a time, that's perfect. And don't think you need to achieve your delightful aim in just 8 steps - these are just the first eight steps to go for. Once you're finished with this Wheel of Delight, make your next one!

www.go-ginger.com

Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game
Happiness Exercise 2: The Not-to-do List
Happiness Exercise 1: The "I Like" Page

Video Blog: How to keep your relationship fresh & exciting

2010-11-08T01:17:00.000-08:00

Are you stuck in a relationship rut. As my boyfriend Lukasz and I share our second anniversary, I thought I'd share a couple of our favourite tips for keeping your relationship fresh. Enjoy!

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Video Blog: How to improve your interpersonal skills

2010-11-02T05:22:00.000-07:00

From the Ginger Public Speaking with Wings Programme:

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Video Blog: How to Find Your Dream Job

2010-10-26T02:17:00.000-07:00

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This video is part of the Ginger Career Shifter programme. If you would like to get out of a rut in the workplace get in touch.

Video Blog: How To Be More Motivated

2010-10-19T01:37:00.000-07:00

Made by Video Jug - Personal Development: How To Be More Motivated

This video is a quick intro to the Staying Motivated Programme from Ginger Training & Coaching. For more info, head over to: www.go-ginger.com

Staying Motivated Part One - Building a Magnetic Future

2010-10-12T03:54:00.000-07:00

The nights are closing in and with more economic gloom looming, it's easy to find yourself sliding down the slippery slope of demotivation. "What's the point?" "Why bother?" and "Ugh, if I have to..." might be phrases you find yourself uttering from time to time. But when there are so many exciting things to do and achieve in the world, we don't want pesky demotivation to get in the way, do we? Here's the Ginger take on how to keep yourself trim, sharp and motivated.

Part 1: Build a Magnetic Future
Have you ever heard of a walker who accidentally one day stumbled to the top of Everest? Just taking a stroll and "Whoops - what a lovely view"? Me neither. Likewise, if you don't know what your own mountain peak is, the chances are you'll wander round in the foothills without ever reaching the summit. Yet, as soon as you know which mountain you're aiming for, you can start to prepare your ascent.

Building a Magnetic Future means having a strong, detailed and compelling idea of what you want from life. Figure out what your really want and you'll find a deep connection to what keeps you going- otherwise known as your motivation. When something has to happen in your life because you want it so much, it has become a Magnetic Future.

Most of us at some point in life have experienced the pull of a Magnetic Future. You may call it being 'On Purpose,' 'At the top of my game,' or just 'Having a really nice time.' It's the feeling that nothing can get in the way of what has to happen - what's going to happen, because we believe in it so much. So how do you build a Magnetic Future?

1. Start from the end, not the beginning
Forget about what's 'possible' for a moment and think of what you would like to do in your life if you had no constraints. No money issues, no people issues, no place issues, no time issues. What would you like to do in your life? Fill a page of A4 with ideas, words, drawings, images.

2. Find the magnetic force
Take a look at your A4 sheet of paper and see which are the parts of it that really stand out to you. Which are the words or ideas that make you tingle with excitement - and possibly even nerves? If there's nothing on the list that makes you feel that way, go back to your sheet of A4 and think "what could I do in my life that would be outrageous?"

The parts of your paper that stand out to you are the magnet. This will be your driving force to keep you motivated.

3. Turn up the power
Now, ask yourself what would would be different if your magnetic words or ideas became a reality? What would your world look like? How would you behave? What would you achieve? What and who would you interact with? What would you be doing and how would you be doing it?

What would all of this make possible on a broader scale?

What you're doing here is to actually start creating your magnetic future. If you're on the right track, you'll already feel that exciting, motivational pull that shows the magnet is starting to work. Work more on this and you'll hit upon a compelling vision of your future that has to happen. When you really hit that, you'll be unstoppable.

For some people questions like this get their juices flowing instantly, whilst for others they need a different style. That's why I coach people 1-2-1 through processes like this. If you're interested in this technique, but need a helping hand, stop by the Ginger coaching page to find out more about what it involves.

Staying Motivated is not only about building a Magnetic Future - it also has two further steps I call:

Part 2. Getting off those Sticky Floorboards
Part 3. Vanquishing Vampires and Ducking Demons

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Further reading:
How Dreams learn to Fly
Give yourself authority to dream.
What's your point? Focus & One-pointedness in action

Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game

2010-10-12T03:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a nifty little game to put the sparkle back into a close relationship - whether it's a romantic relationship, a friendship or a tight-knit professional relationship- The Appreciation Game.

What's it good for?
This game is perfect for any relationship where you're a bit tired with the dynamic. Perhaps arguments continually creep in, or perhaps you just feel flat, bored or dulled by what you do together. The Appreciation Game is a great way of zapping confidence, liveliness, humour and a renewed sense of friendship into the relationship, as well as... well, having a greater sense of appreciation for that person.

It's great fun, it works and you'll learn something about yourself along the way!

How to do it
Put aside your regular tasks, mundane goings on and usual way of thinking about this person and find yourself a place where both of you feel relaxed. If you're at home, go out - if you're at work, find a nice cafe or park to go to somewhere nearby. Sit down, look each other in the eye and begin.

The Appreciation Game is exactly what you might expect - each person appreciating the other. Start by one person giving the other just one thing that they appreciate them for. If it's difficult, start with something non-personal, like "I appreciate you for always wearing nice shoes" (don't worry, the appreciations will get better).

Then the other person responds with an appreciation and so you go on. Your appreciation can be absolutely anything- small or large; past, present or future. There are three rules:

1) It must be an authentic appreciation (Never an underhand way of criticising the other person. Not that you would...)
2) No volleying: you're not allowed to tell the other person "Awww... you too" to their appreciation. That would be lazy. Think up your own appreciation.
3) The only response to the appreciation you're allowed is "Thank you." No "Yes, but I didn't..." or "You're only saying that because..." Swallow your appreciation without wriggling around it.

That's it - simple!

Enjoy, and let me know how it goes...

Further reading:
Happiness Exercise 1: The "I like" page
Happiness Exercise 2: The "Not-to-do List"
Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight

Happiness: The only way is up!

2010-09-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Ginger School after the summer holidays. I hope you have your new pencil case and sharpened pencils at the ready. I've just got back from a few weeks traveling around Europe with a bus full of Buddhists, so this time I'd like to share with you what we can use in daily life from the Buddhist take on happiness.

If you're anything like me, you'll know that life has its ups and downs. There are moments when you feel that everything's great, that you're invincible, that things couldn't be better. And then, (often the next day) there are those slumps when nothings seems to be right. Buddhism is all about progressing towards lasting happiness, or 'enlightenment' as Buddhists put it. It's the state where we have realised our true, perfect nature (this is 'Buddhahood') and no longer experience the highs and lows of every day existence (known as 'samsara').

These ideas have deeply influenced me with my work at Ginger, where it's inspiring to see my clients take steps towards a more fulfilling lifestyle every day. Buddhism often seems confusing to the beginner because there are so many different teachings - that's no surprise when you hear that the historical Buddha Shakyamuni gave 84,000 teachings over the course of 45 years. I'm not sure you'll stick with me all the way to five figures, so I'll chop it down to three points. There are three levels of Buddhism and three different perspectives you can use to look at happiness:

1. Happiness is based on cause and effect

The "Small Way" of Buddhism focuses on karma, which means 'cause and effect' (not, as it's sometimes thought of as fate- with karma we are in complete control of our future). Simply put, good choices of actions bring results that will make you feel good and bad choices of actions bring the reverse. We've all heard that "What goes around, comes around" and Buddhism says that this is true. If you plant a rose seed, you'll get a rose bush, not a cactus. My profession actually relies on the law of karma, because if karma wasn't true, we wouldn't be able to change our lives - it would just be random.

So, how can you use the law of karma to increase our happiness levels?
- First of all, identify an area of your life where you frequently suffer ups and downs.
- Now, go habit hunting. Try to identify what your habitual reactions are to similar situations that result in you feeling bad afterwards and create a causality chain,

e.g: I do really well in an assignment:

I feel great and decide go socialising.
I'm on top of the world with all my friends, drinking and being merry.
Along the way I lose control a touch and say something insensitive to a friend.
The next morning I remember the comment, but feel too exhausted to apologize.
Some weeks later I've forgotten about the comment, but my friend was hurt by it. The next time I have something to celebrate, she decides to make other plans.
...and so on.

- Once you've figured out your causality chain, try to act differently next time, to bring a more positive result.
- It's sometimes very difficult to identify the causality in a situation, because many complex previous actions come into play. Here, the most useful thought to contribute to your happiness is "Steer towards what I know is right and it will be good for me in the long-run."

2. Happiness comes from focusing on others

The "Great Way" of Buddhism emphasizes compassion for others. It teaches that we are just one person and the others are countless more; that if we focus on ourselves we only see problems, but that if we focus on the others, we have helpful things to do for them.

How can you put this into practice?
- In those moments where you feel down, the worst thing you can do is to indulge that feeling. Accept that it's natural to feel down sometimes and look for someone else who needs help. By removing the focus from yourself, you'll automatically shoot back up the happiness line.
- Generosity is one of the best tools to help you focus on others. What we give to others has this wonderful tendency of coming back to us two or three fold. So, nominate one day a week as Generosity Day. See what you can do for others- from letting him onto the bus first, to giving away a cake you've been craving, to washing all the dishes. Crucially, expect nothing in return, or you're still focusing on yourself over others. If you need inspiration, take an example from the gorgeous film "Amelie" - where a naive young french woman decides to do good deeds for others. If you prefer to cope with a gentle amount of American cheese, "Pay it Forward" also holds a similar message.
- Work on listening in a situation where you would usually dominate the conversation, or be thinking of something else. Remember that we are built with two ears and just one mouth! Listening is a great way to say to someone that we are placing more importance on them than ourselves.

3. We already have everything we need for perfect happiness

The third level of Buddhism is the "Diamond Way." This level teaches that we are already equipped with everything we need to be completely happy. That everything we experience is the radiant expression of lasting happiness, or enlightenment - only we don't always see it. On this level, the world is a pure land and all beings have the capacity for enlightenment. Pleasure is to be enjoyed with a sense of freedom and spontaneity and difficulties are to be learned from.

This level is both the simplest to learn and the most difficult to understand. As such I wouldn't claim to be able to pass on information about it that's anything more than my approximate understanding. But, there are some very useful applications of this view of the world which is known as the 'pure view':

- If the world outside is already a pure land, then we can't look for a solution for our own happiness by changing outside conditions. The idea that happiness comes from within oneself has the potential to profoundly change your life as it means taking responsibility rather than making excuses.
- Next time you experience something great, enjoy the experience without guilt, without trying to keep it and without expecting it to be this or that.
- Next time the inevitable difficulty pops up, try to see it as separate from your happiness- that, given time, it will pass. By deeply understanding these last two points, we can learn to lessen out the troughs and increase the peaks of our happiness.

I am by no means an expert in this subject matter - My aim here is to share a few thoughts about Buddhist methods. If you're interested in receiving expert instruction, I'd thoroughly recommend you visit one of the Space For Mind Buddhism talks between 14th-22nd September in London at SOAS/ University of London - some of which are free of charge.

Related articles:
How dreams learn to fly
What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness
Awareness- the first tool to outstanding public speaking
A word from your saboteur...

Happiness Exercise 2: The "Not-to-do-list"

2010-09-13T01:16:00.000-07:00

This is part two in a series of bitesized exercises to help you boost your ability to create positive change in your life.

If you're anything like me, you'll find that To-Do lists aren't always effective. That's because other habits get in the way and procrastinate or alter the To-Do list on the way, or find that it wasn't realistic in the first place. Most of the clients I work with are aware that they have habits that limit their ability 'To-Do', but are unwilling, or unable to drop them. The "Not-to-do-list" is a simple way to clear away the clutter of those little tendencies that we really should drop.

How to do it
Bring out your latest To-Do list and have a good long look at it. Think about all the things that typically get in the way of you completing your tasks: from a 'friendly conversation' with a colleague, to emailing someone rather than picking up the phone, to the all-consuming inbox checks. This is your Not-To-Do-List. Start off by focusing on 2 or three Not-To-Dos for a few days, until you've mastered them, then gradually add more.

What's it good for?
Wouldn't it be better if you could get done what you want to get down without it seeming like much effort? When we do our "Not-To-Dos," things tend to drag out and feel laboured. This is a simple and effective method for making more time for you to focus on the things that really matter. By streamlining your actions, you'll feel positive benefits in reducing stress and increasing your confidence in your own abilities.

Further reading:
Happiness Exercise 1: The "I like" page
What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness

What they say about you

2010-07-09T02:08:00.000-07:00

It's difficult to go even a few hours without judging others, for better or for worse. In fact, we often see it as a useful way of ordering people when we meet them. In its crudest form, judging is a tool to show us who to push away and who to pull closer. But what does your reaction to them say about you? Read on to share a revelation that changed my life.

On today's pre-work stroll around the block, I passed a tall vicar walking on his own in the sunshine. He struck me as purposeful and assertive. My snap reaction was subtle, but distinct. "Look at him in his black robes," I snarled to myself. And then, in a connection that was completely apparent to me in that moment (for, what else would black robes mean?)- "Who does he think he is? He must be completely proud." I walked passed, being careful not to make eye contact and feeling smug that I don't suffer from pride like him.

My second reaction was more like "ahah!" because I realised I had fallen into a trap. It reminded me to apply an important concept I share with a lot of my clients:

What we see in others says nothing about them and everything about us.

When we judge others, we're not judging them, not really. How could we, when we often have no information about them? In the instance of my vicar - a complete stranger- I was reacting to something that I assumed about him that resonated with something inside me. It wasn't his pride I was picking up on, it was my own.

Check it out for yourself - why else could it be that some people really annoy you, when others around find the same person perfectly good company? No matter how much of a pain an individual may be, there's always someone who can see good in them.

Be careful, this could change your life. Because now, when you get frustrated at someone for being a control freak, you can instead investigate the way in which you're being a control freak at that moment. If you see someone as hogging a conversation, could it grate on you because there's a side of you who wants to be the one talking?

It's time to ask yourself a tough question: What does your idea of 'them' say about you? So you've always felt that your parents don't listen to you- when did you last give them a really good listening to? Is that senior person in your organisation intimidating you, or is it your insecurity that you need to deal with? Should the person with the loud laugh on the bus really shut up, or do you have something to understand and let out?

Putting it into action
1. Think of someone, or a group of people who you find frustrating. Write a list of all of the judgements you make about them. Don't hold back.
2. Take a good look at that list and circle all the ones you could possibly take responsibility for.
3. Absorb responsibility for these judgements. Notice the shift in your behaviour that happens if you then see them as your qualities, or your discomforts, rather than blaming the other person. Interesting?
4. Now take a look at any of the list that weren't circled. These are the judgements that probably cause you the reaction "No way. That's definitely her, not me." Fair enough, that might be part of the truth. And I also know from experience that the strongest adverse reaction in this exercise is often the one that is closest to your real behaviour. For the sake of argument, take this judgement upon yourself and accept, just for a few moments, that it's true. What is true about it? If you wrote "What frustrates me is that she's too old" and you're in your early twenties and feeling, it's clear that it's not being too old that's your problem. But perhaps you have a problem with the idea of getting old, or perhaps you're secretly uncomfortable about being too young. Investigate it.
5. Keep aware of your judgements and next time you judge a passing vicar, use it as a chance to learn something about yourself.

Sarah Lloyd-Hughes is a Life Coach whose techniques are influenced by Tibetan Buddhism. She specialises in helping people on their journey towards sustainable happiness. See here for more detail.

Further articles
Find out more about how coaching answers the tough questions
Happiness Exercise 1 : The "I Like" Page
A word from your saboteur
How dreams learn to fly

Happiness Exercise 1: The "I like" page

2010-06-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first in a series of bite sized exercises to help you boost your ability to create positive change in your life.

I'd like to share with you one of my favourite techniques for making mental habits more positive - the "I Like" page. Simply take a sheet of paper, write "I Like" in the middle of it and fill the page with all the good things you notice over the course of the day - from the mundane to the majestic.

How to do it
The technique is as simple as it sounds, but it may take a little practice to get moving, especially when you're staring at a blank page. The trick is to include anything you like, starting from the things you can physically see around you. If you're still struggling, take a walk and look around you at nature, or think of the little moments in life that give you pleasure.

What's it good for?
Whenever I need a boost in positivity, I whip out an "I Like" page. Just focusing on positive things around you increases your capacity to do get things done, because the mind works more incisively when its energy isn't spread across different worries and concerns. From a positive mindset, obstacles generally seem less significant and therefore easier to overcome - test this to see if it's right for you.

Secondly, an "I Like" page can distract from a big, sticky problem that won't seem to go away. Simply removing yourself from that 'stuck' perspective for a few minutes is often enough to find a different, more positive way to progress. How can you worry when your mind is on crusty bread, or barefoot on grass?

Thirdly, the technique works on your creativity and even humour, by encouraging you to recognise every little thing that makes you feel positive. For example, as I was writing this page I heard a child's laughter on a nearby table. Looking up, I realised it was an old lady with a big grin - wonderful!

Fourthly, using this technique over time builds mental resilience and contributes to general happiness. In conditioning yourself to notice the good in every situation, rather than the bad, you will start to find yourself thinking and acting more positively. Would you rather be surrounded by a world of average, dull things, people and ideas, or one that is creative, alive and exciting?

I do love a good "I like" page - so much that the technique in itself will probably make it onto my next "I Like" page. I'd love to see how it works for you- please give it a shot and post a comment.

Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight
Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game
Happiness Exercise 2: The Not-to-do List

A word from your saboteur...

2010-06-04T06:49:00.001-07:00

Ever felt like whatever you do, you can't quite seem to motivate yourself? If so, the chances are you're hosting a saboteur - a negative pattern of thought that leads to negative patterns of behaviour. Let's investigate...

Meet Jeremy...
Jeremy, pictured right, is the personification of my very own saboteur. He has pale, blueish skin and a thin voice in my head that whines at me that I'm not good enough, strong enough, clever enough, experienced enough. Whenever I feel intimidated, low in energy, or if business is going badly, Jeremy is right there to tell me 'Told you so.' And I feel his effect on a physical level. My shoulders slump, I find problems everywhere I turn and I seek refuge in a coping mechanism like cake. Saboteurs are many and varied, but always have the effect of lowering your energy and moving you away from your goals. They can take two forms;

1. The saboteur who holds you back
Consider the attractive looking person the other side of the bar. You're feeling pretty positive and are about to make a move. Then. Out comes the saboteur to remind you... you're not wearing the right clothes, you don't know what to say, s/he might think you're strange/ too forward/ not intelligent enough. Instead, you turn back and hunch your shoulders around your drink You hate the saboteur for it, you wish you were stronger, but the result is there. Too much thinking and your saboteur has talked you out of it.

2. The saboteur who makes you lazy
Even more tricky is the saboteur who keeps you 'stuck' and you don't even notice. This is a voice that's subtle and deep rooted. It encourages you not to bother, or not to look for new solutions - 'It's easier to stay how you are' or 'stick to what you're good at.' It tells you that you're too old / busy / experienced to change and that you couldn't even begin to learn to paint / dance / speak in public. This is the voice that thinks it knows what we're capable of. And it's the voice that keeps us firmly kept in our comfort zone, doing the same things as we've always done.

How to tackle your saboteur?
1. The first step is to become aware that a saboteur is present. In your daily activity, start to notice the energy levels in your body and the language that's knocking around in your head. Watch out for slumped body language and a feeling of being squashed, restricted or pushed down. Listen out for thoughts or words like "I should..." or "I have to..." or "I'm supposed to..." coming out of you, which are all signs that you're acting out of obligation, rather than choice. This is the environment a saboteur likes to create for themselves, as they feed from insecurities.

2. Once you think you've found a saboteur, it's time to investigate it. Shine a strong light on many saboteurs and you realise they were just like a little dog with a big bark. By inviting the negative part of your mindset a chance to air its frustrations and concerns, you can get some distance to those thoughts, rather than risk being controlled by them in a moment when you can do little else. As those thoughts come out, we often see how unreasonable and unnecessary they are.

3. Now that you're starting to know more about your saboteur, you can study the triggers for them showing up. What leads you into this pattern of thought and what can you do next time to stop it from happening?

4. Understanding and visualising an image of your saboteur can help you to undermine it. By having a (frankly ridiculous) image of my own saboteur, I'm able to treat him light-heartedly - like a difficult relative - and say "Oh, that's just Jeremy's way, don't worry about him, he'll be finished soon."

5. Soon you'll learn that you choose which thought processes you put energy into. Do you want to spend time indulging the negative pattern of a saboteur, or would you prefer to let those thoughts pass in favour of something more encouraging and energising?

Related articles
Give yourself authority to dream!
What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness

Make your message stick - the "RULE" of more interesting presentations

2010-06-04T02:18:00.000-07:00

Whether you're talking about you make pencils or jet them off to illiterate kids in Eritrea, there are some typical things you may say in a presentation to get people to support your work. The more these messages stick in people's minds, the more success you'll have in what you do.

The trouble is, that even those who don't technically fear public speaking, do fear saying something unprofessional. And it's understandable. If speaking in public isn't an environment you swim about in day-to-day, your nerves will be heightened by the task. You already feel pretty silly standing up to talk, your brain then chips in with a resounding 'No!' and there's that voice inside your head dying to tell you how much people are judging you. 'Don't do anything different and for god's sake, be professional.'

This desire to be professional leads to us giving exactly the same presentation as everyone else (you know the one: a powerpoint with four neat bullets down the side and a picture in the right hand corner). If professional is to fit right in with what everyone else is saying - job done. If professional is to be bland, then another job done.

But wait a minute. How many of those 'professional' presentations have you sat through? You probably don't have enough fingers. And how many of them can you remember in any detail? Do you even need any fingers to count those? Speakers who focus on being professional and mild, are in fact doing everyone in the room a disservice. Far from being pleasant and inoffensive to listen to, they are subjecting their audience to a presentation which they won't remember and their organisation is losing ground to organisations where the presenters make their message stick.

So what does it take to make your message stick?
There are three broad areas to consider to make your message stand out. Take a look at each of these below and see which you use and how you could use them differently to engage your audience.

1) Visual aids
How you use your powerpoint, flipchart, props, or physical space to engage, or disengage your audience. Do you ever do a presentation without powerpoint? What if you pre-prepared a flipchart or powerpoint with no words- only pictures and numbers?

2) 'Verbal aids'
The nuggets of gold that come out of your mouth. These could be metaphors, poems, a personal story, a famous example, a joke, quotes, powerful facts, collections of three or buzz phrases to repeat. These all add variety, depth and emotional buy-in to a presentation. They also provide a good opportunity for you to stimulate both the left, logical part of the brain and the right through powerful evidence, emotional part of the brain through rapport-building stories.

3) Interactivity
My personal favourite is to get audiences involved in information as people far & wide learn best by doing. This could be something so simple as a brainstorm, or elaborate like a challenge, quiz, team game, or role play. With any interactivity, make sure that your full energy goes behind the task, so as to motivate others to get involved.

But before you run off and play, remember the "RULE" of memorability. To be successful, any visual, verbal or interactive 'nugget' that you slot into your presentation should be:

R - Relevant
Somewhere along the line, we were told to "start with a joke." This is like saying "Start with something to distract the audience, then you can get into the really boring bit." Any tool that you use should link clearly to your message, rather than pulling away from it.

U - Unusual
The unusual or unexpected often has the effect of tricking the brain out of its stereotypes and leads to the creation of new neural pathways. This means more learning which is retained for a longer period of time.

L - Learning
The best nuggets usually take the audience forwards and teach them something new. Give your audience insight and they'll see you as an expert in your field. Repeating or reiterating key learning points reinforces them.

E - Exciting
It's not to say that you have to have your audience leaping out of their seats with thrills, but a good nugget excites, or stimulates a part of the audience's mind - whether it's their imagination, their motivation, or their logical mind. You're looking to create "ooh" and "ahah!" moments with what you say, show and do.

Stick to these rules and your presentations will start to stick. Next time you do a presentation, pick a new nugget and give it the "RULE" treatment. Give yourself permission to experiment.

For more information on how to progress with your public speaking through a coaching programme please take a peek at Ginger Training & Coaching's public speaking programme.

Related articles:
Public Speaking with Wings e-book
Grim Gestures - the top 10 gestures mistakes
Awareness- the first tool to outstanding public speaking

How dreams learn to fly

2010-05-10T01:56:00.000-07:00

I wrote recently about my friends Mark & Denise who entered a competition to live their dream lifestyle for six months. Did they win the Ultimate Job competition? Have a look here to see their journey and my thoughts.

Mark & Denise's efforts inspired me to think more about how dreams become reality, particularly because this is something I help my coaching clients with every day. So, just what does it take to make your dream fly?

1) Before you reach a peak, you need a mountain to climb
If we don't know where we're trying to get to, how can we complain when we don't get there? One of the biggest challenges is to work out what you really want from your life. I started to ponder dreaming based on Mark & Denise's example in this article: Give yourself the Authority to Dream. What I learned was how much we restrict ourselves to the habits of our current reality; a path we chose perhaps many years ago and perhaps without conscious choice.

If Psychologists are right in saying that 90-95% of our thoughts today are the same as our thoughts yesterday, what impact does that have on our capacity to dream up changes in our lives? Ask yourself this;

- When did I last do something that felt thrilling?
- What was the last thing I wished for?
- When I wish for things, how often are they in my usual range of habits and how often are they big, or even scary wishes?

There are plenty of techniques to help you dream outside of your habitual patterns, or comfort zone. One of my favourites that I do with my clients is to help them visualise a fantastic future, based not on their logic, but based on their deep internal desires. That, incidentally, is where Ginger came from. You can use vision boards, positive affirmation, work on personal meaning and even a shopping spree to help you strengthen your dream. By creating a rock solid dream- a future that's so utterly desirable - anything else that gets in the way will seem insignificant.

2. Build your confidence muscle
We're afraid to dream because of the risks. What if I fail? and What if I lose what I already have? are two big ones, but I believe they hide an even bigger fear - What if I get what I want?

Whatever the fear, we can train ourselves gradually to have confidence in our ability to succeed and our ability to cope with success. That confidence, of course, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But, like any muscle, your confidence muscle needs training. Of course you may not have the confidence (or opportunity) to run for Prime Minister right now, but if you set yourself tiny goals to achieve, then celebrate and reaffirm your success, you'll find that over time your self confidence grows and your ability to dream strengthens. And with your strengthening confidence muscle, bigger and more powerful dreams are possible. Not to mention the connections and possibilities you naturally come across that help you on your way over time.

Start really small and focus on your power to make something happen in your life. If you're building trust in yourself, fulfil even the tiniest of promises you make to yourself. Get up when you say you'll get up; call home when you agreed and follow up on that person asking for your help. Achieve all the goals you set for yourself in a month and you'll see the difference in your confidence.

3. Give yourself time & space
Ever given up on an idea half way through, thinking they're not working, only to find a few weeks later that if you'd kept going you would've succeeded?

Remember to build your confidence and your dream over time, without being put off. If you climb a few metres up one mountain, then decide to change to a different mountain because it looks easier, you may never reach a summit. Recogise that it often months and years to reach dreams. Here it's important you have that rock solid dream, so that you can cling on even when times get tough. And you can prepare yourself for those tough times by acknowledging the following:

- Your mind will play tricks on your to try to put you off (we call it the saboteur, the inner critic, the gremlin...)
- You will get there if you keep going
- What happens in your life is nobody's choice but yours

And finally, don't forget that it is you who makes your dreams happen, by making your dreams happen.

Related articles
Give yourself the authority to dream!
What's your point? Focus & one-pointedness in action

Give yourself authority to dream!

2010-04-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

Two friends of mine recently entered a competition to with the Ultimate Job in Ireland (and Probably the world) and have just been shortlisted in the top 10 out of hundreds of applications. They're now in with a chance of spending 6 months travelling the world to test out honeymoon venues.

You can see the moment when they found out they got shortlilsted here. What struck me was their willingness to dream this into reality and the effect it had on the outcome. Here's the difference between them and me:

Me - I looked at the website and thought "pfff... I can't make a video and even if I could and did, there's no way I'd win"

Mark & Denise - with vision boards, bundles of dreaming out-loud and a go-getting attitude (including doing a 2k run dressed as bride & groom), they'd already experienced getting into the Top 10. It's like the famous instance when Edmund Hilary, having climbed Everest was asked how it felt. He responded that it was just like every other time he'd climbed it in his dreams.

Giving ourselves the authority to dream actually allows those dreams to become a reality. Mark & Denise (along with Buddhism and The Law of Attraction) showed me that we can literally conjure anything we want into our lives. In fact more than that- that our lives are actually a physical representation of what we dream for.

It's because with a dream we're much more focused on creating an outcome. With a mountain like Everest to climb, you're not going to see the Hillaries of the world lurking around the bottom for too long.

But there's a couple of limiting beliefs that get in the way - otherwise we'd all be living our dreams. Here's a few I've identified:

- To put ourselves out there and say "I want that" publically is to risk failure if we don't get it
- The belief that somehow they would be able to do it because they're that sort of person. Whereas we could never manage it.
- Focusing on other 'serious' parts of life that we've constructed for ourselves in favour of the things we really want to do.

Why, I ask?

I dreamt of running my own training business, and here I am. Now, Mark and Denise have inspired me to ask... What else can I conjure?

Good luck for the finals guys!

Update 10th May 2010:
Of course it hardly came as a surprise, but it was an incredible pleasure to hear that yesterday Mark & Denise actually won the Ultimate Job! Congratulations to them both for their hard work and self-belief that made this possible.

Related articles
What's your point? Focus & one-pointedness in action

Awareness- the first tool to outstanding public speaking

2010-04-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

As he finishes to his last point, Edgar Mumble looks up at the audience. ‘Phew, it’s over,’ he thinks with satisfaction. He half-heartedly asks if anyone has any questions and then, when his offer is met with silence, he scuttles out of the room to a thin ripple of applause.

‘That was pretty alright,’ he tells himself with a relieved sigh, ‘I’ll do the same presentation again next year.’

How many times have you sat through a similar scenario? How many times have you been the speaker with the same attitude? The good news is that it doesn't have to be that way- and the first step in this (and any other) personal development process is to become aware of yourself and your impact on the world. There's no other way to get the distance needed to change your actions?

Awareness starts with a desire to do better, so first you need to want to give a presentation that doesn't just pass for 'okayish.' Just in case you're on the fence, look at those people who you know who entertain and dazzle their audiences. Do you prefer hearing them talk? Do you listen more and remember more about what they say? Chances are you do.

So, have you got the motivation? Good. Now you’ll do well with a framework for analysing yourself. Buddhists, the masters of awareness, identify five different centres in the body. Four of these are relevant for public speaking awareness- our body, speech, mind and qualities. Let's take a look at each in turn:

Body
First, consider your eye contact – do you cover all of the room or do you hold onto a supportive-looking group on the left hand side? Do you have the tenacity to make eye contact with specific people for 1-3 seconds, or do you find yourself inspecting the ceiling because that way you can pretend you have nobody watching you?

Second, look at your gestures. Take your hands away from your ear, the back of your head, your necklace and other undesirable places (we all do it). And stop with the flappy, general and repetitive hand movements. Now you’ve got some space for crafting gestures that tell your story and emphasize the bits you want your audience to remember. Pick gestures that are strong and memorable.

And there’s much more. Consider the way you hold your body, your facial expressions and how you move. You will, of course, be ditching the lectern.

Speech
Look at the way your voice behaves when you talk in public. Once your volume’s not too loud and not too soft, but just right, you can start to use it as a tool for adding drama and tension into what you say. Same goes for an awareness of your gaps, your intonation, your clarity, your energy and so on. Play with your voice and use it to create a story that engages your audience.

Mind
The voices in our mind can play funny tricks on us if we’re unaware on stage. Because we take our nerves seriously we feel that fight-or-flight are the only two serious choices. If we’re aware, we’ll learn that our nerves are energy that can either help, or hinder our performance. That energy can either be labelled 'fear' or 'excitement.' We chose which way it goes.

Qualities
And finally, awareness of your qualities will indicate the kind of presenter you can be at your very finest. Your ‘stage persona’ – be it the Kind Expert, the Competitive Dad the Energiser Bunny, or countless others, will provide you with hooks for creating humour and themes that are natural and dazzling.

To develop your stage persona, start by pondering the ideal persona for your message. Are you challenging, or consensus focused; serious or humorous? Now, look at where you are on each of those spectrums. The gap is your list of points to develop.

If you'd like to learn more about these techniques, join the next Public Speaking with Wings- Your Presenter's Toolkit session - http://www.go-ginger.com/workshops.html. You can also request a free Public Speaking with Wings e-book here which goes into further techniques for becoming a master of public speaking.

Related articles:
Grim Gestures - the top 10 gestures mistakes

What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness

2010-04-06T01:51:00.000-07:00

I was pondering my ability to focus this Easter weekend (before I got distracted by a chocolate egg) and reminded myself of what Buddhists call 'one-pointedness'- a state of complete concentration where you are completely on-task, or in-the-moment. Given my own flighty nature when faced with a day of activity in the office, I set about investigating one-pointedness to see how I can find and keep to my own single-point more often.

I asked myself the following questions, which I invite you to ask yourself too...

What does it mean to be many-pointed?
I've always considered myself a great multitasker, so why should I change my ways? First stop, a consideration of my current situation - what effect does being many-pointed have on me? We've all had those days where we set off to get something done, but without much focus. At work, it's that day where there's so much to do you don't know where to start. If you're anything like me, your first step (and third and sixth step) is to check your email. You're heading somewhere, but you don't know where and suddenly 'urgent' emails, phone calls or questions from colleagues are all you can seem to get through. Perhaps it's no surprise that days like that tend to finish in frustration, exhaustion or a feeling of 'peh... what was that?' This is a many-pointed day.

Although I think I love multi-tasking, when I consider how many-pointedness really makes me feel, it's words like stressful, breathless, darting, anxious, pulling, pushing, changing and regretting that spring to mind. It brings the discomforting feeling that I'm not really living up to my best, which only brings more confusion and panic.

How does One-pointedness feel?
Should I take that moment of confusion and panic and myself into a one-pointed mindset, how does that feel? For me words like this come up: space, focus, calm, purpose, simplicity, sensing, timeless, easy, tireless, light, connected, right, effortless, relaxed... and so on. There's a beautiful simplicity and balance that we instinctively know comes with us finding focus.

What does One-pointedness think like?
Let's go deeper into the mind-set of one-pointed focus. If you were Mrs One-Pointed herself, what sort of language would run through your head? For me, it's the following;

This is the only important thing there is right now
My task is the right one beyond doubt
I have everything I need to make this happen
This will happen with a little patience and calm

How do I get One-pointed?
Buddhism has skillful and long-term methods for training the mind to become focused on a single point. Whilst not attempting to better those fine teachings, I devised a three step process for upping one-pointedness in every day life;

1) CHOOSE
Your first step in becoming one-pointed is in picking one thing to do at a time. It's like picking one cake to eat at a time, rather than shoving in the chocolate eclair with the apple tart, with a chicken sandwich. It seems obvious, but we so often fail to take this crucial step. The important thing here is that you make a conscious choice- rather than getting blown this way or that by emails, twitter, text messages and so on. (Later this month we'll look at what to do if you have to react to your situation rather than choose.)

To get here you may have to spend time considering, planning, researching and analysing without the 'assistance' of your inbox. To stay here, you must also make the firm choice to honour your choice, even if other more attractive offers (read: a better cake) come along whilst you're still chewing.

2) DO
Many people love the planning bit, but then fail on action. I'm a classic example when it comes to selling my products. I spend hours designing a wonderful product, I think through who I'll market it to, how I'll market it and then... get distracted by a new opportunity before I follow it through. An effective "DO" stage is where the one-pointedness happens. It's all about noticing any distracting thoughts, acknowledging them rather than repressing or ignoring them and then letting them pass without influencing you. Expect to be pulled off-task - it will happen. But with every sense and thought, patiently and continually refocus yourself back to what you chose to do.

You'll find techniques to strengthen your DO stage on the way and we'll investigate some of these later in the month.

3) FINISH
Everyone has a limit to their attention span (for adults we focus at our maximum for around 20 minutes), so having an end to your task will ensure that you can set yourself up to succeed. The finish is the bit where you can say to yourself "That's it, completed, finished, end of story" before starting on something else. It's important to congratulate yourself when you get here, no matter how small your victory, as it motivates your subconscious mind to focus again next time you take on a choice. After finishing and congratulating yourself, only now do you critique the process you went through to get there to improve it for next time. This is critical so that that self-doubt doesn't derail your choice during the DO stage.

This month is One-Pointed April, so follow this blog for more in the coming weeks. Please contribute with your questions and comments below.

A lesson from the kids

2010-03-29T02:37:00.000-07:00

Sarah and a Ginger team of volunteers took out the morning of Saturday 27th to inspire a group of young campaigners for the Equality & Human Rights Commission. What we didn't expect was to leave feeling so inspired ourselves...

It's always a great privilege to be invited to train a group of motivated young people. In comparison to the sterling and long-term graft teachers and parents commit themselves to, we are often gifted with the 'headliner' role of coming in, saying something inspirational, dancing around a bit (sometimes literally) and then leaving again with the warm feeling of having done something good for the world.

Take Saturday morning at Project 1000 - a group of young people brought together by the Equality & Human Rights Commission. We were invited to train the group on public speaking to help them 'up' their impact as activists. I led a bit of fun theory from the front and the team of volunteers worked with small groups to practice their presentations and get feedback on their technique. To see so many young people give better performances than my adult clients was a heart warming experience. And they loved it. Debates ranged from tuition fees to full body scanners, many of them packing into their 2 minute speeches arguments that would give our MPs a firm run for their money.

But whatever excitement and inspiration we helped create, it was my team and I who left feeling inspired. With so much apathy and 'easy' entertainments distracting British youth culture away from their communities and into facebook, twitter, PS3s (and blogs...?), it was exciting to see so many fresh and ambitious faces giving up their Saturday morning for a wider cause.

With young people like this supporting equality and human rights, I only feel positive and secure about the future of my country. The question is, how can we encourage more people to take a critical look to the world around them and talk up about the things that aren't right? This is a lesson that starts with youth and ends on the doorstep of each and every adult in the country, especially with a general election looming...

Grim Gestures: The top ten gesture mistakes public speakers should avoid.

2010-03-24T03:07:00.000-07:00

Public Speaking Coach Sarah Lloyd-Hughes shares her experience with making gestures add colour and spice to your presentations.

Stand up in front of people to give a speech or presentation and you'll notice something funny happen. Those two implements on the end of your arms, usually your faithful servants, suddenly feel like sweaty, awkward lumps. "I just don't know what to do with my hands!" clients often comment to me. And the result is a series of embarrassing gestures that totally take our attention away from your message as a speaker.

What can you do about it? First of all, become aware of what you're doing. To help you, here I've put together a list of my Top 10 Grim Gestures to avoid. Which ones do you do?

10 - The Jab: Too much pointing is rarely received well by an audience. Whether it's pointing directly at people, or jabbing into your hand, it comes across as aggressive or accusatory.

9 - The Tony Blair: "Education, education, education" and the accompanying hand slicing movement. Whilst this gesture is controlled and powerful, fans of the 'naughties' will notice we're in a new decade. Audiences are looking for empathy and The Tony Blair is no longer a gesture that carries a message of authenticity. Avoid if you want to seem genuine.

8 - Quick, Hide! I often see new speakers try to hide themselves due to nerves. Pulling on sleeves and tops to cover a little bit more skin. Guess what? The audience will still be able to see you anyway! Forget your clothes and take the floor with pride.

7 - The Laurel & Hardy: Unless you're acting out a story, or a thought process, scratching the top of your head will give your audience the impression you don't quite know what you're talking about.

6 - The Comforter: One especially for the girls with lovely long hair. In an alien or intimidating situation it's natural you'd like to feel safe, but give yourself that feeling by preparing well for your talk, rather than stroking your long hair, or running your hand along your arm.

5. Clapping & slapping: Whilst a well-placed hand clap can add emphasis to your main points, over-do it and it becomes a distraction. This could be hand clapping, or - often - unintended hitting of your hand against your side or knees. Distracting. If you want some applause, wait until you've finished.

4. The Lifeline: Many speakers rely on notes as a lifeline for talks they're unfamiliar with, or as an excuse to avoid gesturing. In reality, you will need your notes far less than you imagine and they become a barrier between you and your audience. Put them down and free up your hands for masterful gestures.

3. The Wringer: One of the most common Grim Gestures in business, this is holding your hands together and massaging the palms with each other. Great for a masseur warming up, but to your audience you come across as tense, indecisive and possibly a touch aggressive.

2. The 10 second itch: Of all the weird and wonderful ways adrenaline plays with our hands when we're nervous, itching and scratching must be the most distasteful. I've seen speakers almost scratch holes into their necks, arms (etc) in moments of high stress. What should you do about it? First, notice what you're doing. You'll realise, if you pause for a moment, that there's a repetitive action going on here and it's beginning to hurt! Then, relax your hands. Breathe some oxygen into them and place your hands - calmly - somewhere they can do no harm.

1. Fly Swatting: And finally, holding the number 1 spot is the classic Fly Swatting gesture. There is nothing more grim than fairy, flouncy gestures that continue on and on and on, no matter what the speaker is saying. The key here is power. If your gestures are weak, your authority as a speaker will be weak and thus the message you're trying to get across will be weakened (whether it's a sales pitch, a training programme or a wedding speech, we all have a message). Concentrate on making your gestures definite, and appropriate to your message, rather than too general.

To work on your gestures, start to study public speakers as you come across them. Who has power as a speaker? Who fails to keep your attention? How do gestures contribute to this?

And watch out for my next blog in the series, "Gorgeous Gestures" - tips for adding spice and colour to your presentations, using only your hands.

Sarah Lloyd-Hughes runs a regular workshop Public Speaking with Wings: Your Presenter's Toolkit, for beginners and experienced speakers looking to work on their technique. Visit www.go-ginger.com/workshops.html for more information.

How to make any job your dream job

2010-02-11T06:35:00.000-08:00

My partner Luke works for a local council. He spends most of the day listening to members of the public fretting, complaining, protesting or 'trying to cut a deal' over Council Tax payments. Not exactly top 10 in one's list of dream jobs. Yet we've come up with a way to make his average job into a Dream Job.

In a way, so many of us end up in that less-than-perfect job. Even if we finally landed a spot in our dream company (the one with the pool table in the canteen and handcream in the loos), reality quickly bites when the routine grind of repetitive work hits in. I've known a number of bubbly idealists who joined ethical companies that should've been 'the one,' yet eighteen months down the line they're looking again for something... better.

So what's going wrong here? Is it that our managers don't know how to design jobs that are fulfilling? Could be. Or it could be that we don't know how to find fulfilment in our job? If we blame our managers, there's not much we can do but shift jobs and complain about the next boss. But if we take responsibility, it really is possible to make any job our dream job. Here's how.

A few weeks ago Luke and I developed a technique that has radically changed the way he faces his customers. We call it the Customer Award of the Day.

The Concept: Every day Luke hunts out candidates for his Customer of the Day. For each person he speaks to, he notes down the positive (and only the positive) qualities that he notices in them. The Customer of the Day is then given the fine award of, well, nothing, apart from Luke picking them as his favourite person for that day.

Meaning that the guy Luke had previously see as the "petulant business man" becomes "diligent, focused and an excellent communicator," and the "disorganised, emotional woman with three children who's shouting at me" becomes "caring, nurturing, protective mother who is passionate and expressive."

You get the idea. By focusing on the positive qualities of those around you, their positive side is exactly what you experience. Just think about the difference it makes if you pick up the phone and hold your breath for the first good quality to shine, rather than holding your breath in anticipation of a fight.

"But isn't that just deluding yourself?" a number of Luke's colleagues have asked. I suppose you could see it like that. But if like me you see truth as more dynamic than objective, you'll realise that in life you see what you want to see in people. And the qualities you chose to focus on are the ones that will stick in your memory.

More than just positive thinking, this a way to learn. Every time you recognise a quality in someone else, you can implicitly compare your actions to theres and think - "Am I being as generous today as customer #3? Or as straightforward as customer #7?" If you're surrounded by good examples your own development becomes easier.

Even if your job is not as repetitive as Luke's, you can still keep a lookout for your Person of the Day. What qualities did you admire in your colleagues, clients or people in the street? What did you learn today from people around you? Who struck you as inspirational, unique, clever, peaceful, and so on.

The choice really is yours. And in this way, it's your choice whether you have an drab job or a Dream Job. Ask yourself this: would you prefer to focus on people's 'bad' qualities, or would you prefer to work with an endless supply of exciting, impressive people that you can learn from?

The Hub's social entrepreneurs - poor but happy?

2010-01-26T06:26:00.000-08:00

Happiness lessons from the world of social entreprise.

Having spent the best part of a year working in the Hub Islington; a fabulous work space for micro social enterprises & other do-gooders, I came to notice a strange phenomenon. By most professional standards the wages these guys bring in are small indeed, yet somehow their job - and life - satisfaction is much higher than your typical work environment.

Take the number of voiced complaints per minute as a good anecdotal indicator of how happy a workplace is. Be it a "damn, stupid computer," a subtle 'tut' at a colleague as they walk away, or a colleagiate grumble about how slow the morning's going; complaints form the background mumble of most offices.

Yet at the Hub, the atmosphere is different. It's 4 degrees outside (and therefore the same inside), the recycled wood chip heater's just packed in and now it's started raining onto someone's computer. Yet, still there's no sign of cynicism or complaint, just an "oops!" and the sound of a social entrepreneur scuttling to get a bowl to catch the drip.

According to our chosen economic model, there's something seriously wrong here. Money = happiness, right? Or if that doesn't convince you, then surely money = stuff = happiness will tempt you? (Don't you want that new Ikea sofa?) According to Coca-Cola, MacDonalds and, let's face it, even producers of fair trade products, shouldn't it be those with lower wages who are grumpy and those who can afford more 'stuff' who are cheerful and happy? Under this model, how can it be that those with less money and less 'stuff' appear happier?

"Alright, they might be happy-but-empoverished idealists for now," a typical career sort might argue, "but look a few years down the line when our high earners have paid off their mortgages, got their new car and have luxury holidays every year, and then you'll see who's happy." Still the idealists, I'm afraid to say, if research emerging over the past 10 years is to be believed. We know from various studies that people that people who are more materially orientated have lower levels of life satisfaction (see, for example, this study on business students, materialism & wellbeing). We also know that once your personal wealth (the value of your personal assets) has reached of $12k, an increase in wealth no longer affects your happiness.

So if it's not money, what is making our social entrepreneurs so happy with life? Here are my ideas;

1) The choice to forget about consumption
There are a lot of eco-aware sorts in the social enterprise scene, who have made the choice that they want to consume less for the sake of the environment. This doesn't just mean buying organic, but also buying second-hand clothing, or even swapping it. By not playing the consumption game, they're not stuck in the use-more, want-more, work-more, buy-more cycle (see http://www.storyofstuff.com for a wonderful, lighthearted video on this)

2) The choice of a higher purpose
It comes down to simple maths. I = 1. You = lots more than 1. If you focus your efforts at work on a higher purpose you see that there are many people who suffer more than yourself, many people who need help. In devoting yourself to a cause you'll naturally fail to see the minor agitations you face on the way - they're just not worth complaining about.

3) The choice of community
The Hub provides London a haven of much needed community. People sit & work together, collaborate on projects, often for free and even (cover your eyes if you're a Pret lunch fan) cook and eat together. We know instinctively that we're happiest when we're in a social environment, yet due to Hofstede's famous cross-cultural studies we have known for decades that as GDP rises, we become more focused on ourselves. At The Hub people chose togetherness rather than isolation.

The crucial point here is that these individuals chose their consumption patterns, their purpose and their community. These are choices we all make, every day.

Is it as simple as a choice between wealth and happiness? I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Ice-skating Adventure: Bone breaking or barrier breaking?

2010-01-08T08:35:00.000-08:00

When my good friend Karin Lange suggested a week day romp to Somerset House for ice-skating, my first reaction wasn't great.

"Nah-ah," I told myself, "that's ridiculous. You can't ice-skate, you should be doing proper work during the day and you'll only end up breaking something." I tried everything to convince myself. "It's not even a proper walking surface is it? It's just like trying to walk on lit barbecues- why would you do it?!" Of the (arguably) two natural fears we're born with, fear of falling is 50% and this seemed like sufficient evidence to prove to me that my fear was justified. "Don't go."

My second reaction was a little more positive, however, as I reminded myself how I love different experiences, especially when they involve facing a fear. So as I stepped tentatively onto what can only be described as very smooth, very slippery ice, I tried to learn something.

My first few minutes confirmed that I indeed didn't have the magical ice-skating gene hidden in me. I spent most of that time clinging to the side rail without being able to move. When I did manage to face the direction of the skating traffic, I felt like an elephant trying to cross a ropebridge. Meanwhilst people half my size where already whizzing past with grace and confidence. This, I realised, was part of my fear. I wasn't so much afraid of breaking a bone (because that bad things don't happen to me tendency kicked in and refused to let me believe it), but I what I was afraid of was not being all that good.

As someone who's been a bit of a swat for most of her life, I'm one of those lucky people who are used to picking up intellectual concepts as fast as anyone. I'm used to being at the front of the pack without much effort. But when it comes to physical activities, I realised that I share a common Western adult disease of being far too much in my head and not nearly enough in my body.

It wasn't comfortable to bend my needs to get more balance - I didn't like the insecure feeling when you lose balance and wobble backwards and grab madly for the nearest barrier (or child) for support. I didn't want to do my apprenticeship, I wanted to skate NOW. Or not at all. Karin reminded me it was like so many people's reaction to personal development work - many of us in the field have seen (or been!) that person who, say, meditates for 30 seconds and then give up, proclaiming it doesn't work. If we have a lifetime of bad habits built up, it's going to take more than a few seconds to destroy them.

So, after many minutes of patient Karin wheeling me around the ice rink and giving me encouraging words, I gradually, progressed from inept and scared to 1 metre away from the barrier and calm. And what helped? Actually it was distracting myself as much as possible from our subject matter. In talking about something completely different as we went round, Karin and I practiced a very smart technique of just being rather than analysing; letting our bodies do the work for once whilst our minds were distracted elsewhere.

And it's true elsewhere in our lives. How many things do we restrict ourselves from doing because we have over-active brains? How many times have you convinced yourself not to talk to that stranger because... or not to pick up the phone and ask for that because, well, you know the sorts of excuses we all make up.

If we just let our bodies guide us more, perhaps they'd guide us into situations that make us feel more alive, more capable. After all, my theory is that bones aren't generally broken on skating rinks because of stupidity. Generally the more tense we are, the more dangerous a fall is (see how kids bounce?). And if it's tension that's dangerous, it's thinking too much that creates the tension.

So it's less think, more 'do'.

Kick start your New Year with a new style of resolution.

2010-01-05T09:01:00.000-08:00

Back in 1988, the success rate of New Year’s resolutions didn’t look good. 22% failed in their commitments after just a week, 40% after a month, 50% after three months, 60% after six months, and 81% after twenty-four months (see this article for more research on the subject). Twenty years on, with promises and information flying about all over the place, those numbers seem optimistic to me.

According to psychologists, 90% of our behaviours are based on habits, so it’s no surprise that it’s difficult to change one thing about yourself in isolation. This is where the “Quit smoking,” “Lose weight,” “Change career” and so on resolutions fall down.

My method for kicking off your New Year is about gently, but firmly showing yourself the person you want to be a year from now, and setting yourself a structure for getting there. Read on to find out how;

1) Set yourself up
Get a blank sheet of paper, a pen, a comfy seat and a mug of something warm. Write “2009” in big bold letters on one side. Feel free to indulge yourself with a few squiggles or swirls by way of embellishment.

2) Look back
Now fill that side with everything positive you achieved in 2009, from all aspects of your life. Work, your relationships, leisure, spirituality, your home, person brainpower… Think about the big and the small; the short-term goals and the long-term personal changes that you’ve made happen. Think about the things you’ve kept going successfully. What do people around you appreciate about you if they’re really honest? Be generous to yourself and don’t let any snide critical thoughts find their way onto the page. This page is for celebration.

Have a good long look at your 2009 and see how it makes you feel. Stop and appreciate your journey. (The mug of something warm is useful here)

3) Look forward
Now turn over the sheet of paper and think forward to January 2011. Given the distance you’ve come in 2009, what can you set yourself up for in 2010? I like to start with who I want to become.

Close your eyes and picture yourself a year from now if you progress exactly how you want to. Don’t think of things that you want just yet (ignore the new job, 3 stone weight loss and new sports car), but think of who you want to be. How do you want to feel? How do you want to behave to those around you? How do you want to live your life? Right down some positive statements about this you in the present tense “It’s January 2011 and I am…” as this creates the most powerful connection to your intention and helps your vision to become a reality. These are your personal development goals and will guide you on your journey to a fulfilling year.

Now that you have your characteristics covered, you probably have some key areas of your life where you’d like to ensure growth and happiness. This year my focus is on my relationship and my company and the bits in between are covered by my personal development goals. Again, take a moment to see where you’d like to be in a year’s time. Let yourself sink into the vision, but be practical- if you dream up a lottery win and a handsome new man entering your life on a flying unicorn as your aims for the year, you may be disappointed! You can make your vision as broad, or narrow as you like. I combined business targets with more general intentions. Again, write these targets in the format “It’s January 2011 and I am / have…”

4) Get going!
Now you’ve finished that, put your year vision somewhere where you can see it. It’s a good idea to frame it and leave it somewhere you often look – I like to leave myself important messages in the bathroom where I spend 2 minutes every morning and night brushing my teeth. Why not spend that time focusing on your aims?

The more often you revisit your aims, the more often you ‘become’ your intended self for January 2011. You’ll find that the mind has a wonderful way of making our intentions reality. But the key is to base your intentions on things you really want, rather than something someone else has told you to do, or what you should be doing. You’re on track if your goals make you feel light and energised.

Of course, some of your goals may fall off on the way, but the important thing is to head to the person you want to become gradually over time.

This is just a nibble of a much bigger set of tools to help you. If you’d like some more information about this technique, or want to investigate a coaching relationship to really help make 2010 a wonderful year, visit www.go-ginger.com, or get in touch with me at biscuits@go-ginger.com.

2010-01-05T02:03:00.001-08:00

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